The loneliness of motherhood

A new survey carried out by Mother and Baby magazine has interviewed 2000 women and concluded that just over 53% of mothers feel lonely and isolated and about two thirds of them feel disconnected from a normal life. While tiredness has always been part of early motherhood, isolation has recently started to become more common between new mums. When a woman leaves work to have a baby, her life changes abruptly, it is like being in a different universe, as old friends without children tend to drift away, grandparents normally live far away, neighbours are not always available to help and other mums are not always your "cup of tea". Also, as babies are very demanding, it is difficult to restore the old social life back. On average first time mums spend 90 minutes a day with other adults, which involves going along to play groups, where mums can meet other mums. In most cases mums of newborn babies goes along a playgroup feeling very tired and the babies are too small to enjoy themselves. So, it ends up being a frustrating exercise. Although it is a good idea to go to play groups when you feel ready, as it is a great way to meet other mums and share your experiences. In this way you don’t feel alone and you realise other mums are going through similar experiences and you can learn from one another. It is great when you get to know other mums that you identify with, and a new friendship is formed. Women that live in the countryside have even less social life than city mums, as they are more isolated and there may be no many activities available for mums with newborns, whereas city mums can go to shops more easily and meet up with other mums in town. These days mums are left by themselves to look after their new arrival, as grandparents tend to live far away in most cases. Having to look after a newborn by oneself can be very hard for new mums and the taboo of postnatal depression make mums keep their frustrations and desolations for themselves. Pressures from society discourage mums to discuss solution for ‘baby blues’ and postnatal depression, so mums tend to put on a brave face in fear of being misunderstood by others. People tend to assume that mums and babies bond straight away and mums are quite happy looking after their little bundle of joy. However, in reality mums feel physically and psychologically drained as new babies are very demanding, and sleep deprivation takes its toll, making it hard for mum to enjoy quality time with baby. Luckily the maternal instinct kicks in, making mums pull it through and some how be capable of caring for their new arrival. Having said this, the more support the mum gets the smother is the adaptation to motherhood. There are many organisations that can help. See the links below for further help with coping with motherhood and guidance about postnatal depression. Meet-a-mum association Association for Postnatal Illness Parentline source: Telegraph