The loneliness of motherhood

A new survey carried out by Mother and Baby magazine has interviewed 2000 women and concluded that just over 53% of mothers feel lonely and isolated and about two thirds of them feel disconnected from a normal life. While tiredness has always been part of early motherhood, isolation has recently started to become more common between new mums. When a woman leaves work to have a baby, her life changes abruptly, it is like being in a different universe, as old friends without children tend to drift away, grandparents normally live far away, neighbours are not always available to help and other mums are not always your "cup of tea". Also, as babies are very demanding, it is difficult to restore the old social life back. On average first time mums spend 90 minutes a day with other adults, which involves going along to play groups, where mums can meet other mums. In most cases mums of newborn babies goes along a playgroup feeling very tired and the babies are too small to enjoy themselves. So, it ends up being a frustrating exercise. Although it is a good idea to go to play groups when you feel ready, as it is a great way to meet other mums and share your experiences. In this way you don’t feel alone and you realise other mums are going through similar experiences and you can learn from one another. It is great when you get to know other mums that you identify with, and a new friendship is formed. Women that live in the countryside have even less social life than city mums, as they are more isolated and there may be no many activities available for mums with newborns, whereas city mums can go to shops more easily and meet up with other mums in town. These days mums are left by themselves to look after their new arrival, as grandparents tend to live far away in most cases. Having to look after a newborn by oneself can be very hard for new mums and the taboo of postnatal depression make mums keep their frustrations and desolations for themselves. Pressures from society discourage mums to discuss solution for ‘baby blues’ and postnatal depression, so mums tend to put on a brave face in fear of being misunderstood by others. People tend to assume that mums and babies bond straight away and mums are quite happy looking after their little bundle of joy. However, in reality mums feel physically and psychologically drained as new babies are very demanding, and sleep deprivation takes its toll, making it hard for mum to enjoy quality time with baby. Luckily the maternal instinct kicks in, making mums pull it through and some how be capable of caring for their new arrival. Having said this, the more support the mum gets the smother is the adaptation to motherhood. There are many organisations that can help. See the links below for further help with coping with motherhood and guidance about postnatal depression. Meet-a-mum association Association for Postnatal Illness Parentline source: Telegraph

How to overcome common difficulties on breastfeeding:

The quicker you sort out any problems with breastfeeding the better for you and your baby, so do not hesitate to ask for help if you need it. Ask you midwife for help or make sure you have the number of a breastfeeding counsellor. If you baby is feeding restless at the breast and does not seem satisfied, it may be that he or she is sucking on the nipple alone and so not getting enough milk. Ask for help in making sure your baby feeds in the right position. Some times the baby may also stop feeding and cry if he or she needs to burp during the feed. Engorged breasts: a few days after the birth your breast may become very swollen and uncomfortable. Try to breastfeed as soon as possible, it may help to express milk before each feed to help the baby to latch on properly. Massaging the breast before expressing can also help. Between feeds you can apply ice-cold flannels or ice packs from the fridge. Sore or cracked nipples: To avoid sore nipples make sure your baby's mouth is opened wide (like a yawn) before he or she latches onto your breast. Change your position for breastfeeding. Be sure the baby's mouth is about one inch behind the nipple and on the areola, not on the nipple. Rub colostrum or breast milk into your nipple and areola after each feeding. If your nipples are sore and dry or cracking, start breastfeeding with the less sore breast first. Use Lansinoh Lanolin cream on your nipples, as it is excellent to help heal the nipple skin if it is sore. If your nipples remain sore, ask for help. It can be normal for the nipple to feel sore when the baby first latches on, but once she gets going it should stop hurting. If it does not, then start again. Once the breasts get used to breastfeeding, in about four weeks or so, it will stop hurting completely. Lumpy tender breasts: this happens when milk gets build up in the ducts of the breasts for various reasons. Let your baby feed on the tender breast first, if he or she does not want to feed try to express some milk. While your baby is feeding, gently stroke the lumpy are with your fingertips, smoothing the milk towards your nipple. Try leading over your baby as you feed. It is important to deal with a blocked duct as soon as possible to make sure it does not lead to mastitis. Mastitis: it is an infection on the breasts making them feel hot and tender, and you may feel as if you have flu. You should continue to feed and ask for help to you midwife health visitor. Try the suggestions above for lumpy, tender breasts and rest as much as possible. See your doctor if this does not improve in the next six to eight hours as you may need your doctor to prescribe you antibiotics, which is safe while breastfeeding, to clear the infection. Remember breastfeeding on demand is most natural and can avoid the above difficulties; it is best to feed when your baby wants to be fed, which might be very often to start with, the feed will become more spaced out as your baby grows. It is also important that the baby latches on the breast correctly to avoid soreness. Every baby is different, so don’t worry about setting up a routine straight away, as the baby develops they gradually set into a routine, which may be different from other babies, so don’t worry if other mums and babies are doing things differently, as babies are individuals they won’t all be doing the same thing at the same time… Babies also have periods of growth spur at 10 days, 6 weeks and 12 weeks, that can last for about two days, during this period your baby will require more milk, so he or she will feed more often and for longer, but things will settle down quickly, as your body start to produce more milk to satisfy your growing baby. So don’t feel that you have to offer the baby a bottle, as you won’t make more milk to satisfy your baby’s demand. In the beginning, it can seem that you are doing nothing but feeding, but gradually your baby will settle into a pattern of feeding. Try to relax into it and take each day as it comes. Breastfeeding can be a bit hard at the begging, but it gets really easy afterwards, the difficult times may seem endless, but it ends very quickly.

How to breastfeed successfully:

It is important to start from day one, as the body needs to be stimulated in order to produce milk. In fact it has been suggested that it is psychologically beneficial to the baby to breastfeed within two hours of birth. So, get all the help and advice you can from the midwives in the hospital, if the hospital is very busy it is a good idea to be transferred to a maternity unit, where the midwives have more time to go through the techniques of breastfeeding. Also it is a good idea to have someone available to you who knows how to help you once you return home, if this is not possible spend as much time as you need in hospital in order to be sure you come home breastfeeding as it may be more difficult to established breastfeeding on your on. When starting to feed get comfortable, sit so that your back is straight and your lap is flat. Use pillows to support you baby and bring the baby to the breast, not the other way round. Turn your baby’s body towards your tummy. Tuck your baby’s bottom under your elbow or support your baby by using a pillow. Hold your baby behind the neck and shoulders. Start with your baby’s nose opposite your nipple. Allow your baby’s head to tilt back. Move your baby’s mouth gently across your nipple until your baby’s mouth opens really wide. Bring your baby towards your breast quickly. Your baby’s bottom lip and chin should touch your breast first. Your baby’s chin is in close contact with your breast. Your baby is able to breathe easily. You can feel your baby has a big mouthful of breast. You may need to support your breast. Babies love to breastfeed, but they usually come off by themselves when they have had enough. It is common for a newborn baby to sleep on the breast before being full, if this happens you can tickle the baby gently on his body or face or gently blow his face so he starts to feed again. You will know when breastfeeding is right: it will feel comfortable (it may hurt a bit at the beginning when the baby first latches on the breast, but it should be comfortable once he gets going); your baby will be relaxed; you will hear a soft swallowing; you can also see the baby’s jaw moving below his ears. If it does not feel right…start again, slide one of your fingers into your baby’s mouth, gently break the suction and try again. With a newborn you will probably need to try several time before he latches on the breast properly, as they do not know how to feed when they are born, so you have to persevere until he opens his mouth wide, then quickly and gently hold your breast in his mouth – it also helps to compress your breast while feeding a newborn to encourage him to suckle. At the beginning it can be frustrating, as the newborn may not open his mouth wide enough to latch on correctly, so, you need to be patient and encourage the baby to open his mouth by rubbing the breast on his face. Support the baby’s head with your hand, while gently but firmly pressing the baby against your breast. Once he has latched on, the baby may find it hard to suckle the milk, so compressing the breast can help him to suckle. At first you may need to manipulate your breast into the baby’s mouth several times, as the newborn baby does not know how to feed, you have to help him. Advice for breastfeeding mothers: It is a good idea to put your baby to breast within 30 to 60 minutes after birth. Keep your baby with you so you can breastfeed often. Your milk should arrive in about five days, in the mean time the baby will be drinking the colostrums, which has all the nutrients the baby needs and will kick start the baby’s immune system. It is important to have a balanced diet to pass all the necessary nutrients for the baby. It can be difficult to make sure you get enough vitamin D; it is present in only a few foods, such as fortified margarines, oily fish, eggs and milk. The skin produces vitamin D when exposed to gentle sunlight, so it could be a good idea to give vitamin D supplement for breastfed babies during the winter. Breastfeeding provides comfort as well as nutrition to your baby. Offer your breast whenever your baby cries, whimpers, or seems uncomfortable. Breastfeeding "on demand" is most natural. Newborns breastfeed often — the average is eight to 12 feedings per day. Every baby is different so they will feed for different length of time, as long as they are putting weight on, they are getting enough milk, it is normal for babies to get 80% of what they need during the first five minutes – other babies may be on the breast for about one hour for comfort, they may also fall asleep while feeding. It is a good idea to get reassured with your midwife or health visitor. Breastfeeding should not hurt. But, do not be put off if it hurts at the beginning, be persistent and ask for help to your local maternity unit, if you have any doubts. The more you breastfeed, the more milk you will make for your baby. Drink plenty of fluid, about four pints per day and eat healthily. Try to avoid caffeine, chocolate and fizzy drinks, as they may over stimulate the baby. Once you and your baby learn how to breastfeed, breastfeeding will be a good time to relax and enjoy each other. Even if you think you can not breastfeed or if you feel funny about it, give it a go, because once you start you will find it to be very natural. Everyone is different, but every mother should be able to feed her baby naturally. How to avoid sore nipples: Sore nipples are common in the first weeks and are often caused by poor positioning. To avoid sore nipples, follow these guidelines: Make sure your baby's mouth is opened wide (like a yawn) before he or she latches onto your breast. Change your position for breastfeeding. Be sure the baby's mouth is about one inch behind the nipple and on the areola, not on the nipple. Rub colostrum or breast milk into your nipple and areola after each feeding. If your nipples are sore and dry or cracking, start breastfeeding with the less sore breast first. Use Lansinoh Lanolin cream on your nipples, as it is excellent to help heal the nipple skin if it is sore. If your nipples remain sore, ask for help. It can be normal for the nipple to feel sore when the baby first latches on, but once she gets going it should stop hurting. If it does not, then start again. Keep using Lansinoh Lanolin cream after every feed, it has excellent healing properties. Once the breasts get used to breastfeeding, in about four weeks or so, it will stop hurting completely. How to look after the breast while breastfeeding: To provide your breasts with the support needed, it is recommend wearing a good fitting-nursing bra during the day and at night. (Be sure to bring your nursing bra with you to the hospital.) Wash your hands before breastfeeding. A bath or shower once a day is all you need to keep your nipples clean. Do not use soap or other products when washing your nipples; use warm water only. Allow your nipples to dry after a feeding. Leave the flaps of your nursing bra down after feeding and whenever possible to dry your nipples. The benefits of breastfeeding for the mother: Breast-feeding is inexpensive. Breastfeeding is always available. With breastfeeding, there is nothing to mix, measure, or heat, and no bottles to wash. Breastfeeding makes night time feedings quick and easy. Breastfeeding makes travel with baby easier. With breastfeeding there is often less vaginal bleeding after delivery. Breastfeeding promotes a faster return of uterus to its pre-pregnant size. Breastfeeding can help with weight loss. Breastfeeding may decrease osteoporosis, ovarian cancer and premenopausal breast cancer. The benefits of breastfeeding for the baby: Breast milk is the ideal food for the baby. Breast milk is easy to digest and absorb, causing less colic. The iron in breast milk is utilized more readily. Breast milk changes to meet the needs of the growing baby. Breast milk contains substances that promote nervous system development and brain growth. Breast-fed babies have fewer allergies. In families with a history of allergies, breast-fed babies experience less asthma, food allergies and eczema. Breast-fed babies have fewer illnesses, such as ear infections, colds, flu and GI upsets. They also have fewer doctor visits and hospitalisations, because of the special protective factors in breast milk. Breast milk may help babies to respond better to vaccines, as antibody levels have been found to be higher in breast-fed babies at seven and 12 months. Breastfeeding may decrease SIDS (cot death).

Heavy exercises during early pregnancy is associated with miscarriage

Latest Danish research shows that women who practice heavy exercise during early pregnancy are at a higher risk of miscarriage then women who do not exercise at all. This research took place at the University of Southern Denmark, where scientists questioned more than 90,000 women about their exercise routine and associated it to the result of their pregnancy. The research suggests that practicing high impact exercises, such as jogging, ball games and racket sports during pregnancy can increase the risk by three and half times, compared to women who do not practice any exercise. Also women that exercise for more than seven hours a week are also putting themselves at an increased danger of miscarriage according to the research. Miscarriage is more likely to happen during the first trimester of pregnancy, so after eighteen weeks into the pregnancy the association between exercise and miscarriage recedes. This research was published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, where authors confirmed that the results of this study suggested that “leisure time exercise during pregnancy, and particularly high-impact exercise, is associated with an increased risk of miscarriage in the early stage of pregnancy.” In spite of this, the guidelines from the government in the UK are for women to carry on with moderate exercise throughout the pregnancy if possible. This issue is controversial, as some experts in the UK have disputed this research by saying that running is safe during pregnancy after all. Although, it is not recommended to perform any sport activity, which involves a high impact to the abdomen of a pregnant woman, some experts say that women can continue to run or jog during early pregnancy. It is all about keeping the balance and do not do take up any new activity, which may strain the body. The research concluded that not all type of exercises contribute to miscarriage, swimming for instance is considered to be a suitable type of physical activity very popular between pregnant women. The government in the UK recommends that pregnant women should continue with their normal exercise practice as long as they feel comfortable, women should listen to their bodies and respect their limits in order to avoid any physical strain during pregnancy. So, women that did not do any exercise before getting pregnant should start some moderate daily exercise, in order to increase their health and fitness, as well as improve their cardiovascular system and maintain the muscle tones, which can be helpful during labour. But, women should not at any point start a laborious exercises regime, which is new to them, as this can be harmful to their health and the baby’s health putting their pregnancy at risk. source: BBC news Exercise tips during pregnancy: The more active and fit a woman is during pregnancy, the easier it is for her to adapt to her changing shape and weight gain. It also helps her to cope with labour and get back into shape after the birth. Physical activities can help a pregnant woman to relax and sleep after a hard day at work. So it is recommended to keep up with normal daily activities and exercises for as long as she feels comfortable. It is important not to exhaust the body and allow for some slowing down as the pregnancy progresses. If in any doubt it is always a good idea to get some advice from a local doctor or midwife. During pregnancy is not the time to take up strenuous exercises, as it may be more harmful then beneficial. A pregnant woman should try to keep active on a daily basis, building in half an hour of activities like walking, swimming or yoga can help to keep fit. Swimming or other water exercises like aquanatal are often preferred during pregnancy as the water supports the increased body weight. If this is hard to fit in with other activities any amount of exercise is better than nothing. It is important to drink plenty of fluids and avoid strenuous exercise in hot weather. Also the exercise instructor should be qualified and know about the pregnancy and how far it has progressed in order to be able to guide the pregnant woman correctly. Useful exercise routine for a fit pregnancy: Stomach strengthening exercises: Start in a box position (on all fours) with knees under the hips and hands under the shoulders, fingers faced forwards and abdominal lifted to keep the back straight. Pull the abdominal the lift the back up, curling the trunk and allowing the head to relax gently forward. Do not lock the elbows. Hold for few seconds then slowly return to the box position taking care not to hollow the back. The back should always return to a straight position. Do this slowly and rhythmically ten times, making the muscles work hard and moving the back carefully. Only move the back as far as it is comfortable. These exercises strengthen the abdominal muscles and ease back pain, which can be a problem during pregnancy. Pelvic tilt exercises: Stand with shoulders and bottom against the wall, keeping the knees soft. Pull the belly button towards the spine, flattening the back against the wall. Hold for four seconds and realise. Repeat 10 times. Pelvic floor exercises: close up the back and front passage at the same time and also draw in the birth canal. Repeat this exercise quickly, tightening and releasing the muscles immediately. Then do the exercise slowly, holding the contraction for as long as possible. Repeat both exercises 10 times, four to six times a day to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic, which is under great train in pregnancy and childbirth. Foot exercises: bend and stretch the foot up and down 30 times – then rotate the foot eight times one way and eight times the other way. These exercises help to improve blood circulation, reduce swelling in the ankles and prevent cramp in the calf muscles. Tips to protect the back during pregnancy: Sit up straight with the bottom against the back of the chair. Tuck a small cushion behind the waist if needed. Bend the knee to pick something up, not the back (do not carry any thing heavy). Try to stand tall.